Tag Archives: quality of life

Bad News, Good News, But It’s OK, I think – And Other Miscellaneous Thoughts

Can I go here?  Right Now?

                                                South Padre Island – Can I go here? Right Now?

Bad News: My chemotherapy was postponed this week. That means that this round I only got 4 instead of 6 treatments. Is that enough to find out if this concoction will work? Oncologist (onc) says yes. I hope he’s right. It also means that I’ll be going a full month with no treatment at all. Possibly have one round the first week of June, but it’s iffy. Again, the onc says it’s not a make it or break it deal. He said my CEA (tumor marker test) has been all over the place, bouncing up and down for the past 5 months, so it’s not telling us anything.  Hope he’s right there too. And that the M.D. Anderson doc that I see in early June, agrees. The proof will be in the scans that MDA does, of course.

Good News: My chemotherapy was postponed this week. There was no question. Onc says he simply will not subject me to more drugs when I haven’t fully recovered from the last round. This after looking in my mouth and apparently seeing an very unpleasant sight. Even made my husband look too. Onc is very big on quality of life and not compromising my health any further. You probably have heard of people having serious, even life-threatening, side effects from the chemo. My doc is trying to control the disease as much as possible, but still allow me to enjoy life.  This is different than the “curative” approach, when they figure you won’t mind being totally miserable for a while if it means you can get rid of the monster for good.

So this means that I get a break. Good for two reasons: Next weekend our daughter graduates from Savannah College of Art and Design. The whole family plans to be there, and I’ll be able to enjoy the event, with the main chemo holdover probably being fatigue. Second, it is nice to be able to eat, maybe sleep, and generally (kind of) forget about cancer for a while. Except for the bone pain, which is more or less controllable with opioids.

Miscellaneous thoughts for today:

  • I had to send a “sign off” email to the final client of our consulting business, telling them we would no longer be in business. After 20+ years of this, it’s hard for me to give up such a large part of my identity. In the last 5 years or so I did much of the work myself – conducting meetings (most requiring 4-5 hours of nighttime driving), talking with small town elected officials, grant applications and administration, planning, and writing, writing, writing. But it is definitely time to move on – just give me a minute to grieve………………
  • Kind of chuckling at myself: I’ve taken on the task of designing the graduation card for our daughter. Me, artistically and graphically challenged, coming up with something for our oldest who is getting her second art degree, this one in illustration. Of course, she won’t care because it will be Mom who made it specially for her.
  • Actually managed to eat something with vinegar (tuna nicoise) last night without cringing. Pain is minimal. Progress! Although lunch today demonstrated that I’m not ready for Mexican food, yet.
  • Dark and “raining like a big dog” here, as my older brother would say.  Hence, my wish to be teleported to the location above.  And while we’re at it, can this guy just happen to be on the same beach? Thanks! 🙂
ep8-4

I know this leather is too hot for the beach, but after all, it is Guyday! And I didn’t want to seem like I was inserting gratuitous shirtlessness by using you-know-which photos! Source: RichardArmitageNet.com; my edit.

  • One update not in the original post. Duh, how could I forget this?! Our youngest recently won a drawing at his college campus and made quite a haul: 47″ TV, blu-ray/3D player-sound system, XBox, games. He got to pick 4 movies, and so, sweet boy that he is, he got LOTR extended editions and The Hobbit, which I think is 3-D. I was holding out for the Hobbit EE, but, hey, I’ll settle for this. Happy Day!
  • Finally, in the “This is What I’m Talking About” department: while looking for inspiration for the grad card, I meandered through the daughter’s online portfolio/notes and found the following. Not only is it food for thought as we buzz about this Friday afternoon, but it makes me incredibly proud to be able to claim this amazing young woman.  I hope some day to tell you her name and show you how beautiful she is on the outside as well as the inside. Definitely a “purr” moment! 🙂 🙂

Runner

 

I will move over for you runner

Coming up behind me

And I would like to congratulate

You, for you’ll make better time

Than I.

 

But I bet you didn’t notice how

Clear the river is today

The way the triangular

Shapes between the branches

Of the trees morph into

New shapes as you move,

Or the great blue heron

Perfectly framed between two

Drooping branches marked

On either side by dried grasses

Caught in the limbs from the flood.

 

And I bet the heron didn’t turn

To look at you. But did you at least notice

The lady in the red top and

Black pants with big

Sunglasses and her hair pulled

Back, staring at the scenery until

She turned to give you a nod and

A faint smile?

 

Ah well, then that’s something.

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